You see, I was married once and then went thru a horrible 2 year long divorce that flung me back into the world... and here I am, no spouse, no kids feeling like an outcast even within my own family.
Look, I know they all love me... truly. Its just that they have their own jobs, kids, responsibilities, etc... and I get that it is part of growing up, but it is what makes me want to just run away and start over, somewhere new.
I dont know my purpose in life... I dont truly think that any of us ever do. I am just me. The girl with the biggest heart, who always loves without abandon, and always tries to see the best in people-whether they deserve it or not...
Ive been through a lot over the passed well hell- almost 5 years now... a divorce that was a lot in and of itself... then once that was finally over, I started to rebuild as one person instead of two. I bought a house, paid off some bills, took a vacation... but here I am, still just me.
I guess maybe some of it is loneliness? Fear that I'll be forever alone? Fear that I'll never have the family that I've always dreamt of? Life can be scary, and isnt always easy...
Today, I posted that quote above on my fb page and I had someone reach out to me that I've always looked up to & truly admire shoot me a message. They told me that they've wanted to reach out before and tell me what they think I shouldve been (a Teacher)... While I'm not sure that is the role for me, I'm grateful and appreciative that I have an effect on people (whom I havent seen outside of facebook in probably 18 years) They told me that the world is definitely a better place with me in it, and it struck a chord with me...
No matter how lost, or down you feel-think of the impact that you might have on people in your life, near or far, now and then... you never know what you look like through someone else's eyes. I'm grateful for my bleeding heart it is what makes me, me... sure, I wear my heart on my sleeve and show emotion-but that is who I am. I'll never apologize for that!
I guess all we can do is wait, and see what the future holds... 💋💋
