Today I am on here to vent-This seems to be a safe place to come and let some frustrations out as I've been dealing with a lot lately. It is so crazy to go back and read my blog from last August and read my post...There are SO many things that are still the same, and so many things that are different.

In fact-one of those things, I  was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and Hypothyroidism, which explains A LOT of things that I've been feeling over the course of the last year and a half or so. I honestly thought I was going crazy. Between never feeling like I was getting better-after my bout of pneumonia last winter, the depression, hair falling out/thinning, my hands and feet always being cold, the brain fog (at the time-I didnt know it had a name), the weight gain, & the fatigue, ALL of it-is a product of the disease that I am now plagued with...

So, NOW-not only am I trying to figure out my life with being a single, childless, 36 year old female... but I get to add Autoimmune disease to the list of things to worry about. My allergist diagnosed me a few weeks ago, and it has been tough. In order to start feeling better,

 I have to change my ENTIRE diet.

I am no longer supposed to eat any: 

Gluten, Dairy, Eggs, Almonds, or Blueberries-as my top 5 things. That is ONLY the top 5... My actual blood test of what I am allergic to is a LOT more restrictive, the list of "No's" includes: Rice, Soy, Corn, Beef, Pork, Apples, Bananas, Oranges, Grapes and Pineapple... among other things. 

On a side note:

I have re-started dating a guy that I dated over the winter, and things are (so far) going really well... He and I have a shit ton in common, and get along really well-so I have high hopes for it! Fingers crossed! 

Anyway, this will be my outlet space for awhile, so here's to many more posts... 

Silvers, Out! 

Modern Dating sucks...

Modern dating truly sucks, and here is why:

So, here is my situation... I'm a Single, 35 year old woman with no kids but cannot for the life of me seem to find a good guy who wants an actual relationship. I know, I know "there are so many good guys out there"-but let's be honest if there is no attraction then it isnt going to happen.

Part of my problem is, I go all in... If I like you and you like me-let's do this... none of this wishy washy shit that is so prevalent this day in age. I've never been the girl that dates around... or goes on dates just to do it, or "for a free meal" that's not me...

It SUPER sucks to be me and trying to date at 35.

What does that mean?
It means that I have a HUGE heart with lots of love to give and no one to give it to. I fall hard and fast. If I like you, I want to be with you, know about your day, want to share all of the important things with you... none of this "when I can squeeze in time" bullshit.

On the other hand, I am pretty picky about qualifications too. I've had to expand my age range in order to have a chance at finding a prospective suitor without kids. This leads me to seek out "younger than me" guys, who are usually less mature-thus creating a vicious cycle. I know that it is kind of messed up to say that I blatantly dont want to date a guy with kids, as I wouldn't be who I am today without my dad who raised me- however-I have my reasons. For one-Baby momma drama-Ex's tend to get defensive and jealous and I dont want the added stress for me, or my date. Plus, I like to spend time with the person im dating and having to compete with kids (who come first) is always tough...and especially if the BM gets pissy and wants to make things difficult she will.

The other thing that is a source of contention is the fact that I am damaged. I know I am. My last few relationships (My marriage first and foremost) have torn me up in ways that I didnt even know I was torn. My ex-husband got my self esteem so low to the point I was depressed. I never felt good about myself. Another guy I dated for awhile-constantly cheated on me... and for someone who already didnt feel "good enough", this was a huge blow. Now, Im not saying that I need a man to make me feel beautiful, but when the one person closest to you is breaking you down instead of building you up it starts to affect you.


(Started and saved as a draft on 4/19/17)