Today I am on here to vent-This seems to be a safe place to come and let some frustrations out as I've been dealing with a lot lately. It is so crazy to go back and read my blog from last August and read my post...There are SO many things that are still the same, and so many things that are different.

In fact-one of those things, I  was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and Hypothyroidism, which explains A LOT of things that I've been feeling over the course of the last year and a half or so. I honestly thought I was going crazy. Between never feeling like I was getting better-after my bout of pneumonia last winter, the depression, hair falling out/thinning, my hands and feet always being cold, the brain fog (at the time-I didnt know it had a name), the weight gain, & the fatigue, ALL of it-is a product of the disease that I am now plagued with...

So, NOW-not only am I trying to figure out my life with being a single, childless, 36 year old female... but I get to add Autoimmune disease to the list of things to worry about. My allergist diagnosed me a few weeks ago, and it has been tough. In order to start feeling better,

 I have to change my ENTIRE diet.

I am no longer supposed to eat any: 

Gluten, Dairy, Eggs, Almonds, or Blueberries-as my top 5 things. That is ONLY the top 5... My actual blood test of what I am allergic to is a LOT more restrictive, the list of "No's" includes: Rice, Soy, Corn, Beef, Pork, Apples, Bananas, Oranges, Grapes and Pineapple... among other things. 

On a side note:

I have re-started dating a guy that I dated over the winter, and things are (so far) going really well... He and I have a shit ton in common, and get along really well-so I have high hopes for it! Fingers crossed! 

Anyway, this will be my outlet space for awhile, so here's to many more posts... 

Silvers, Out! 

Modern Dating sucks...

Modern dating truly sucks, and here is why:

So, here is my situation... I'm a Single, 35 year old woman with no kids but cannot for the life of me seem to find a good guy who wants an actual relationship. I know, I know "there are so many good guys out there"-but let's be honest if there is no attraction then it isnt going to happen.

Part of my problem is, I go all in... If I like you and you like me-let's do this... none of this wishy washy shit that is so prevalent this day in age. I've never been the girl that dates around... or goes on dates just to do it, or "for a free meal" that's not me...

It SUPER sucks to be me and trying to date at 35.

What does that mean?
It means that I have a HUGE heart with lots of love to give and no one to give it to. I fall hard and fast. If I like you, I want to be with you, know about your day, want to share all of the important things with you... none of this "when I can squeeze in time" bullshit.

On the other hand, I am pretty picky about qualifications too. I've had to expand my age range in order to have a chance at finding a prospective suitor without kids. This leads me to seek out "younger than me" guys, who are usually less mature-thus creating a vicious cycle. I know that it is kind of messed up to say that I blatantly dont want to date a guy with kids, as I wouldn't be who I am today without my dad who raised me- however-I have my reasons. For one-Baby momma drama-Ex's tend to get defensive and jealous and I dont want the added stress for me, or my date. Plus, I like to spend time with the person im dating and having to compete with kids (who come first) is always tough...and especially if the BM gets pissy and wants to make things difficult she will.

The other thing that is a source of contention is the fact that I am damaged. I know I am. My last few relationships (My marriage first and foremost) have torn me up in ways that I didnt even know I was torn. My ex-husband got my self esteem so low to the point I was depressed. I never felt good about myself. Another guy I dated for awhile-constantly cheated on me... and for someone who already didnt feel "good enough", this was a huge blow. Now, Im not saying that I need a man to make me feel beautiful, but when the one person closest to you is breaking you down instead of building you up it starts to affect you.


(Started and saved as a draft on 4/19/17)

Where do I go from here...?

Lately I've found myself in a tough place-What to do with my life? I'm a 36 year old Single woman with no kids. Honestly, I feel like I'm just going thru the motions, and floating thru life one day at a time.

You see, I was married once and then went thru a horrible 2 year long divorce that flung me back into the world... and here I am, no spouse, no kids feeling like an outcast even within my own family.

Look, I know they all love me... truly. Its just that they have their own jobs, kids, responsibilities, etc... and I get that it is part of growing up, but it is what makes me want to just run away and start over, somewhere new.

I dont know my purpose in life... I dont truly think that any of us ever do. I am just me. The girl with the biggest heart, who always loves without abandon, and always tries to see the best in people-whether they deserve it or not...

Ive been through a lot over the passed well hell- almost 5 years now... a divorce that was a lot in and of itself... then once that was finally over, I started to rebuild as one person instead of two. I bought a house, paid off some bills, took a vacation... but here I am, still just me. 

I guess maybe some of it is loneliness? Fear that I'll be forever alone? Fear that I'll never have the family that I've always dreamt of? Life can be scary, and isnt always easy... 

Today, I posted that quote above on my fb page and I had someone reach out to me that I've always looked up to & truly admire shoot me a message. They told me that they've wanted to reach out before and tell me what they think I shouldve been (a Teacher)... While I'm not sure that is the role for me, I'm grateful and appreciative that I have an effect on people (whom I havent seen outside of facebook in probably 18 years) They told me that the world is definitely a better place with me in it, and it struck a chord with me... 

No matter how lost, or down you feel-think of the impact that you might have on people in your life, near or far, now and then... you never know what you look like through someone else's eyes. I'm grateful for my bleeding heart it is what makes me, me... sure, I wear my heart on my sleeve and show emotion-but that is who I am. I'll never apologize for that!

I guess all we can do is wait, and see what the future holds... 💋💋

New Beginnings....

Since October of 2012 my life has taken a major turn.... I am in currently in the process of getting a divorce.

It has been a long drawn out process that I dont wish on anyone. Luckily, we do not have kids-or this could be WAY more complicated!

A TON has happened in this time. I have moved 3 times, finally have a place to call my own (though, I rent) I found my 1/2 brother and sister that didnt know I existed, and have been able to keep in touch with them! What an AMAZING experience that has been! :) 

I've also started to get back into the dating world... which is an entirely DIFFERENT world now... I was with my Ex for 8 years! So much has changed in the dating world in that time! Online dating is about the only way to meet new people (since I dont drink that is) and putting yourself "out there" is weird when you dont TRULY know who is on the other end of the computer screen. 

Anyway, I'm sure I will write more soon-the adventures of dating as a 30something.... ;) 

Til next time, 
Randi

Job hunting is not my favorite type of hunting....

So, we all know I like to go hunting and fishing... 

it is a hobby that my husband has really gotten me in to. But lately I have been doing a different kind of "hunting"-Job hunting! 


 It really is the pits sometimes. There's the immediate "let me look for a-fun, close to home, job that I am qualified for" that we all spring into and then at some point (after weeks of hearing from noone) that you just apply for things you ARENT qualified for... I know, I know-there are things we make sacrifices for, and paying the bills is one of them. 


I was SO stoked when a few weeks back I got an interview for a job that was PERFECT for me! I interviewed, thought it went really well, and I was EXCITED with hopes of working for them. The company had a fun loving, family/community oriented atmosphere and I WANTED to work there! So, I waited... THEN got a call for a 2nd interview! I was WAY stoked, and thought I am getting this one! But alas, no job offer. I called them last week to "follow up" and left a voicemail (actually left 2 different VM's but who is counting...lol) He called me back to tell me that they are still "checking references" and they would let me know soon either way... That was LAST Thursday... the suspense is KILLING me! lol I dont know whether I should call again, or just let it be....


On a side note, I applied for a job Sunday night (the application time frame ends THIS Saturday-5pm) and one of my references got a call on Monday morning, so hopefully THAT is a good sign... either way, cross your fingers! :) 


<3
Randi

A Flash mob practice with a twist... AN ENGAGEMENT!

A few weeks ago, I got an email from a guy who wanted to know if we could coordinate a flash mob to help him propose... in 9 DAYS! (From the time of his email) I was like...ummm "I'm sure we can do that" without really even thinking about details... So, I called and talked to Katie-our choreographer and she was SO EXCITED! We decided to just have them "stumble upon" on Flash mob practice... and then while they were there watching, we'd change to our Bruno Mars-"Marry You" snippet and then he would propose! It was the cutest thing... She had no idea and we LOVED being able to do something SO special for such an important day!!

I told him, that if they get married in KC (He lives in NC) That we HAVE to Flash Mob their reception! :) It was a HOT and we were all EXHAUSTED by the end of practice, but we had a BLAST-Best part is, we have another practice this Saturday too! No marriage proposal this time though! ;)

If you are interested in joining us for our Flash Mob-click here to be kept up to date! ~Randi~

Review of Covergirl's new NatureLuxe foundation and lip balm....

So, just a bit ago I signed up to be a Bzzagent... I had heard about it on a freebies website, and though I didnt quite understand WHAT it was-I thought I'd sign up....

Shortly after I signed up (a few days later) I got an email saying that I might be interested in a certain campaign that just became available-so I logged on and checked it out!

I have to admit-I was pretty darn excited when I found out that it was for Covergirl's new NatureLuxe foundation and lip balm!

I have always pretty much been a "Covergirl" so this was perfect for me!

So, First things first-I tried the lip balm (since it was the evening already when I got the package) and let me tell you- I LOVE it! It is just enough color, not sticky... I will NOW be using this everyday!

The foundation on the other hand.... it covers well, it has a smooth feel and seems to last all day-HOWEVER, I felt like it had a filmy feeling on my skin when I put it on, and that is something that I do NOT like in a foundation....

Overall-I would say that I will definitely buy the lip balm (I think it is my new fave!) and I'll keep using the foundation.... to give it a chance to sway me!

Thanks covergirl, AND Bzzagent for letting me do this! I cant wait for the NEXT campaign!! :)